honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
