Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
