garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
