GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
