i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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