So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
