woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
