his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
