i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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