He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
