I bet he comes in French.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
