Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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