this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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