I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
