She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
