First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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