positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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