your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
