Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
