Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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