No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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