I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
