I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
