hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
