I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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