guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
