i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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