after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
