The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
