This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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