This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
