the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
