I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
