Duck Duck Cougar?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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