it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
