I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
