I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
