Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
