You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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