So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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