What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
