so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
