She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
