i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
