...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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