real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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