I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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