Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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