I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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