It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
