Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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