he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
